My Frustration

How frustrating is it to be me?

Brown skin, nappy hair,

Big brown eyes, thick thighs

How frustrating is it to be me?

Smile on my face

Careful attention to the way I speak

How frustrating is it to be me?

Walking talking

Always mindful of how I’m perceived

How frustrating is it to be me?

Not sure if the way I say

An s, a z, a the, a cha, a we.

If it’s good enough

Why am I always being judged by someone else’s standards

When my standard says I am enough

Why must I change who I am to accommodate the feelings of someone else

When nobody seems to think that my feelings are enough

How frustrating is it to be me?

The way I walk

The way I talk

The sway of my hips

The things that I thought

The things that I believe

The way that I breathe

The fire and desire and the passion that’s inside of me

That’s me

Intrinsically

Organically

ME!

But, how frustrating can that be?

You see

I walk down the street

And I see…

You and you and you

Taking what my brothers and sisters

My ancestors

My very essence of who I am

You take and take and take and take and take

And you clone it

And then you spin it

And you render out of it what you want

And cast the rest to the wayside

And then you tell me

Oh, you’re too much of who you are

But if I represent you,

I’m just enough of what you should be.

How frustrating is it to be me?

It is absolutely ridiculous that I can’t represent myself

I have to walk a mile in your shoes in order for anybody to see ME!

How in the world is that even possible?

This big butt

These big thighs

These big hips

The sway of my thighs

My highs

My lows

My ins

My outs

There is no way you can miss me

There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever

That you,

If you open your eyes

Open your ears

Take a breath

And whiff

And hear the way I sing

And the way I flow

And the things that come out my mind

And out of my heart

And out of the very essence

The underbelly of who I am

How frustrating is it to be me?

When I’m told

That I’m too much of me

I’m told

That I’m not enough of me

I’m told

That me is too…

Too right or too wrong

It’s too short or too tall

It’s too big

It’s too wide

It’s too slim

It’s too… it’s too

Something

Why?

Because if I’m being me

And I gain the accolades

And if I go to the top of the highest peak on the mountain

And everybody screams and calls out my name

It’s frustrating to you

Because you don’t gain anything

If I’m being me

See, what you want me to be

You want me to be a watered-down version of myself

You want me

To give you all of me

You want me

To fall in line

Lock Step

With what you say, do, think, and believe

Because you think

That you know

Who I am

Better than I do

How the hell is that even possible?

How frustrating is it to be meee?

Why won’t you just let me be

Why can’t I just be me?

Can I be me?

Is that alright with you?

And if it ain’t alright

Who gives a damn?

I’m not trying to be you

I’m trying to be me

God created me to be myself

He didn’t create me to be you

He didn’t create me for the purpose of entertaining you

He didn’t create me for the purpose of jumpin and jackin and jiving

And swinging my hips and swaying my thighs

He didn’t create me for the opportunity of you to steal, rob, and kill everything that makes me who I am

No, He didn’t create me for that purpose

You see, in the Motherland

Where I came from,

The very flavor of that land

The flowers

The clothing

The hair

The jewelry

The artistic ability

The songs that we sung

The dances that we danced

Everything that came from the very essence of that soil

Is what created who I am today

You see…

When my ancestors came to this land

They broke this ground

And they danced on this land

But they did something more

They shed their blood

Their blood grew you crops

Grew your…

Grew your everything

They gave everything that they had

And they built up the soil

And they built up the land

And they built up everything

So that you…

Could linger

And drink your mint julips

And so that you could sit on your lazy good for nothing

And criticize

And circumcise

The essence of who they were

But you didn’t circumcise it for yourself

Oh, you profited from who they were

But you circumcised it for them

You took away who they were

You stole and robbed and killed to get what you wanted

From my blood

From my brothers and sisters

From my aunties and my uncles

From my grandmas and my grandpas

You took everything that you could take

And, yet and still today,

You’re trying to do the same thing to me

How frustrating is it to be me?

I didn’t ask you your opinion

Your opinion doesn’t mean a red-hot thing to me.

Your opinion means nothing because you don’t understand me

Because you didn’t take the time to investigate

You didn’t take the time to come to an understanding

You didn’t take the time to open up your heart

To feel the beat of the drum

To feel the way the seasonings taste when they run across your tongue

You didn’t take the time to listen to the whine

When I whine… when I whinnneee that song

You didn’t take the time

To learn from the patterns that I braid into my hair

From the clothes that I wear

You didn’t take the time

You didn’t take the time

You didn’t take the time

To understand what makes me mine

No, you didn’t take the time

How frustrating…

How frustrating it is to be me?

I can’t jump the way you want me to jump

And I can’t walk the way you want me to walk

And I can’t sway my hips

Or sing the words

Or read

Or talk

Or dress

Or wear my hair

The way you want me to represent the idea of what you want me to be

You see, what I noticed is that

Over the years

Even you’re not happy with yourself

Why do I say that?

Because that big booty

And those big breasts

And those big lips

And that big everything

Once you said it was all wrong

But now

Because it’s you

And because you had it surgically implanted

It’s all right

You see…

How frustrating it is to be me?

Because with it being on me it’s wrong

But with it being on you it’s right

What?

Right is wrong

Wrong is right

What?

Wha…

What?

Somebody don’t know who they want to be

But I can guarantee you that somebody ain’t me

How frustrating it is

To see you wearing the print from my ancestors

The cornrows that keep up my hair

For you to steal everything that makes me who I am

You see…

The essence of the soil that I came from

You can’t take that from me

No matter how hard you try

You can’t take what organically belongs to me

See if you could steal my very soul

So you could feel soul

You would do so

But the soul that I have doesn’t even belong to me

It is only on loan to me

And because you can’t take that

You can’t take me away from me

And you can’t stand it

Can you?

It’s frustrating to you,

Right?

Is that the reason why you steal everything else from me?

Because you can’t steal the one thing that makes me really ME?

How frustrating it must be to be YOU?

Soulless

Flavorless

Just less

How frustrating

Is the frustration mine

Or is it really yours

Is that the reason why you take and take and take

And remember never to give

Is that the reason why your frustration must become my frustration

Because you can’t reconcile yourself to accept that you don’t add any value to anything

The only thing you do is take away, subtract, divide, conquer, and destroy

Diminishing the value of everything that’s not you

Like a swarm of locust

Is that the reason why you create so much frustration for me?

Because you’re frustrated with yourself

How frustrating it must be to be YOU?

How frustrating it must be to know that you can NEVER BE ME?